


i dare you to move

by asmithwrite



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Ben Solo Needs A Hug, Ben Solo is a flirt, F/M, Force Bond (Star Wars), Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rating May Change, Redeemed Ben Solo, Slow Burn, Spoilers, Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker Spoilers, The Force Ships It
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-19
Updated: 2020-02-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:53:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22807396
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/asmithwrite/pseuds/asmithwrite
Summary: The second time he asks, Kylo Ren gets what he wants: Rey’s hand.Note: Includes spoilers from "The Rise of Skywalker." Includes some events from "The Rise of Skywalker," but they are mostly re-imagined/changed to stop my heart from aching so much.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey & Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 1
Kudos: 49





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first time writing for "Star Wars." So, I will admit that there is plenty about the "Star Wars" universe that I do not know! In other words, please don't attack me! I wrote this story to ease my heart since I have been unable to stop thinking about Kylo Ren/Ben Solo & Rey since I watched "The Rise of Skywalker." Hopefully, this story eases your heart, too.

“I don’t want to do this right now,” she hisses, angry at this inconvenient disruption to her training.

He is standing a few feet away from her and is watching her intently.

“This isn’t me,” he says, referring to their sudden connection across the galaxy.

She sighs and her anger dissipates. “I thought this was because of Snoke.”

“It wasn’t Snoke,” he says simply. “It never was.”

“Then, what is it?” she asks.

“Something else.”

Silence takes over as their eyes lock. He tries to search her mind while she tries to search his.

He starts to move closer to her and she stiffens.

“Rey...” he says. The softness in his voice takes her by surprise. “Where are you?”

He’s towering over her now and desperately searching her face, her mind, and her emotions for any clue.

“You know I can’t tell you that,” she says.

“Tell me,” his voice is harsh, frustrated.

“No,” she hisses back.

The tension between them is palpable. He wonders if she can feel it. She wonders if he can feel it.

His jaw tightens and then relaxes. “Please,” he lets out. In the back of her mind, she hears a whisper from the throne room. _Join me. Please._

“Ben... I-” she closes her eyes and tries to breathe. It’s all too much. He’s too close. This time, he feels the conflict in her. She takes a deep breath and exhales. Her eyes open back up to his intense gaze. “What do you want?” she almost whispers.

“You know,” he breathes, leaning in to her.

Before she can respond, the connection breaks.


	2. Two that are one

Her eyes are wide and his words are still swimming through her head: _Rey, you are a Palpatine._

He reaches for his helmet and it hisses as he removes it.

He looks at her, determined. He begins to stretch out one of his gloved hands.

“You know what you need to do. You know.”

For a moment, she is frozen. Immobile. She looks at his open, gloved hand and a war rages within her. His voice replays in her mind: _A Dyad in the force, Rey. Two that are one._

"I do.”

 _If I go to him, Ben Solo will turn_ , replays in her mind. She steps closer to him and slowly reaches her hand out to meet his. When her hand finally meets his, he gives her a gentle squeeze. He starts to lower their hands and Rey watches as he starts to pull her closer to him.

The wind whips around them and Rey hears Finn screaming her name as the Falcon roars behind them. _Rey!_ she hears over and over again. _We have to go, Finn_ , says Poe. Panicked, she looks around at the crowd of storm troopers aiming at her friends before looking back at Kylo Ren. She decides to send a plea to him through their bond: _Please, don’t hurt them. You have me. Please. Let them go._ She squeezes his hand.

A shiver runs down his spine. _You have me,_ echoes in his mind.

“Supreme Leader, would you like us to fire?”

Rey’s eyes widen as she waits for his command. _Please_ , she sends to him as she gently squeezes his hand again. He debates telling her to let go, to stop holding on to the Resistance, to her friends. He decides not to push his luck.

“No,” he commands, never looking away from her.Relief crosses Rey’s face and Kylo Ren releases her hand. “Close the hangar. That will be all,” he hisses.

“Yes, sir.”

Finn’s voice fades away in the distance and Rey cannot help but wonder: _What have I done?_ She notices that the momentary gentleness in Kylo Ren has dissipated as he turns away from her. “Follow me,” he tells her, roughly.

“Where are we going?”

“My quarters.” _Oh_ , she thinks. She realizes how little she thought ahead. What would happen _after_ she took his hand?

Kylo Ren leads her in silence. She feels nothing but coldness from his side of the bond. He feels Rey’s conflict as she struggles to finds the words to say and fully register the decision she just made.

When they finally reach his quarters, he is quick to secure the door behind them with a flick of his wrist. 

“You will be safe here,” he starts to tell her. “I can rearrange anything you need to-”

“Ben,” she interrupts him, voice strained. She swallows and starts to move closer to him. Hesitantly, she begins to speak. “Ben....I-I don’t want the throne.” She pauses to make eye contact with him. “I took your hand because I will help you defeat my grandfather. I will stand with you. But I am not here to rule the galaxy.” She closes the distance between them even more with her next step. “I don’t want the galaxy.”

“Rey...” he starts, anger starting to rise within him. His leather fists clench.

“I just want you,” she quickly admits as her cheeks flush red. “When all of this is over, Ben Solo, I want you to come home.” 

He looks at her for a moment, tortured by her words, and releases his anger with a loud exhale. He closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again to search her face. “Ben Solo is dead.”

“No,” she says, softly. She hesitantly reaches out her hand to the side of his face, near the scar she gave him, worried he will swat her hand away. He doesn’t. “Ben Solo lives.” 

He leans into her touch and closes his eyes again. Rey cannot help but notice the sadness in his features.

“You know what you need to do,” she says, softly.

“What if I am not strong enough to do it?” he asks her, barely audible. She wonders if he meant for her to hear his question. His eyes have opened again and Rey remembers the last time he looked at her like this - in the elevator. 

“You are,” she whispers. His eyes rest on her lips for a moment before meeting her eyes again.

They are disrupted by a loud, sudden knocking coming from the door. Startled, Rey jumps back from Kylo Ren. Kylo Ren stiffens and uses his free hand to force open the door. As soon as he sees the red-headed man in the doorway, he regrets the decision.

“I hope I am not _interrupting_ , Supreme Leader.”

“General Hux” Kylo Ren hisses. 

“If this is a bad time, _Supreme Leader,_ I could always come back.”

“What is it, Hux?” Kylo Ren spits out through clenched teeth.

“Your presence is being requested,” Hux replies, looking Rey up and down with disgust.

“Give me a minute.” 

“Very well,” Hux says as he turns to leave.

Once alone again, Kylo Ren breaks the silence. Once again, all softness has left him. “I will be back soon. I will send a droid to help you settle in and acquire anything you may need. Try not to break anything else in my quarters with your light saber, please,” he quips.

With that, he grabs his helmet and walks out of the door.

* * *

When he returns, she is curled up in a chair reading a book she found. Her hair is down and she is dressed in new, dark sleeping clothes. He tries not to disturb her as he takes off his mask he put on for the business he had to attend to.

She hears his footsteps and looks up at him as he moves closer to her. She feels his anger simmering beneath the surface.

“Did the droid come?” He asks.

“Yes. Thank you.”

He moves to the seat across from her. “I will have the droid check in with you daily. If there is anything else you need, tell me and I will get it for you.” He starts to get more comfortable in the chair and takes his gloves off. “I will sleep on the couch and you can take my bed until I can figure out something else,” he says, plainly. _Oh_ , she thinks. _Bed. I hadn’t even thought of that._

“You seem tense,” she remarks after looking at him. “Is everything alright?”

“Well, I cannot say you are a popular addition to the First Order.” He pauses for a moment, looking at her. “I told them you killed Snoke.”

“Mmm. I see,” she nods. She closes the book, places it in front of her, and sits in thought.

Interested to change the subject, he asks her if she’s hungry. She shakes her head. Silence fills the space between them.

“Ben?” she finally asks, timidly. His eyes meet her gaze. “Why go through all of this for me? Why not kill me?”

After a moment, he answers. “I don’t want to kill you,” he says plainly.

“But _why_? Wouldn’t it be in Kylo Ren’s best interest to kill me? Why keep me alive?” She starts to lean forward in her chair.

“I’m not going to kill you, Rey.” 

“That’s not answering my question.”

He closes his eyes and sighs, annoyed. She is always a challenge to him. He gives himself a moment to think before answering.

“We are more powerful together,” he says.

“That’s all? That’s it? Power?” 

“No,” he answers, quietly and honestly. 

“Then, _why_?”

“You know why,” he breathes.

“I do?”

“Search the bond, Rey.” 

_You’re nothing...but not to me._

She does as she’s told and that’s when she realizes. “You...have feelings for me...You’re...afraid of them.” He can hear the surprise in her voice.

“Yes,” he says quietly. He pauses for a moment and his face softens as their eyes stay locked in a moment of silence. “But I can’t make you love a monster, Rey,” he says so softly that she almost doesn’t hear it.

The turn in their conversation and his unexpected honesty makes her head spin. Her mind takes her back to their force bond: _You’re a monster. I am._

“You don’t have to be a monster,” she says quickly. “Turn. Leave Kylo Ren behind. It’s not too late. I will help you.”

“It is too late.”

“No, Ben, it’s not.”

“ _Ben_ is dead,” he growls, tension rising. Resistance to the pull towards her, towards the light. This is when Rey sees him - really sees him. Trapped between who he is and who he could be.

She sits back in her chair and holds his intense, fiery gaze. After a moment, she calmly tells him, “Well, as long as I am alive, I am not giving up on you, _Ben Solo_. So, you can add that to your reasons to kill me.” He huffs in response and the tension between them starts to evaporate.

He itches to change the subject again, no longer wanting to engage in this fight. “I am going to take a shower and prepare for bed. We can discuss our plans for Palpatine tomorrow. Do you need anything else from me?”

“No...” she says, biting her lip. 

“What?”

“It’s just... You’re too...big to sleep on the couch. I think I should sleep there and you should take your bed.”

“No.”

“Stop being ridiculous. I’ll take the couch.”

“No.”

“You’re being stubborn and unreasonable.” He huffs again. “Fine. Get a terrible night of sleep.”

He resists the urge to roll his eyes and leaves to take his shower.


	3. Vulnerable

The next morning, she wakes to the smell of breakfast. Once she is presentable, she opens his bedroom door to find plates and platters full of every breakfast food imaginable. Realizing how hungry she truly is, she immediately starts grabbing as much as she can. She is midway through her second plate when he returns in full Kylo Ren attire. Surprised, she almost drops the plate.

“I didn’t know what you would want so I ordered everything,” he says, plainly. “I hope it was okay.”

“More than okay. Thank you, Ben.”

He stiffens at her use of Ben. “Eat up. You will need energy today. We will train as soon as you are done and ready.”

“Train?”

“Yes. We need to move quickly if we are going to defeat Palpatine. He is already worried that I am betraying him for not having killed you yet.”

She nods, taking in his words. “Well, how are we going to get to Exegol? Don’t we need to find a way finder, too?”

“We don’t need a way finder. I’ve already been to Exegol.” 

“Oh.” She resumes eating and offers him some of her food. He shakes his head.

“I will meet you in the arena. I will have my men lead you there, when you are ready. Don’t forget your light saber.”

“Are you not staying?”

“I have a meeting,” he says, tense once again.

“The Resistance?” she asks, voice tense.

“Yes.” He says, still tense.

She nods and says nothing. Her heart aches for her friends, her family. She hopes to the Stars that they are okay and that they know she will be too. He feels the sorrow within her and waits a minute before speaking again. “Take your time, Rey. There is no reason to rush.” With that, he leaves her alone again.

* * *

When she enters the arena, she is surprised to only find Kylo Ren there. He has stripped down to a black tank top but remains in the rest of his dark attire. Rey’s eyes cannot help but linger on his arms for a little bit longer than she should.

“Are you ready?” he asks.

“Yes.” As she moves closer to him, she feels the rage burning within him. She takes it that his meeting did not go well. He pulls out his saber and ignites the red flame. She mirrors his move and the humming of their sabers fills the room. 

“Don’t hold back,” he says, voice deep.

“I never do.”

He starts to circle her, the red flame aggressively pointed at her. She waits for his first move and braces for his first swing. When he does swing, she meets his saber immediately.

They spar like this until they are both covered in sweat. After some time, Rey grows tired and struggles to meet Kylo Ren swing for swing. She grits her teeth as he takes advantage of her fatigue, pinning her to the wall. He uses the force to lock her body in place as he hovers his saber across her neck. Towering over her, he leans in roughly says to her, “You’re going to have to do better than that, scavenger.”

He releases her and turns away from her. After catching her breath, she raises her saber once again. “It’s a good thing that we’re not done yet, then, Ben.”

 _Ben_. That does it. His anger finally boils over and his fist slams the wall. “Stop calling me that. I am _not_ Ben,” he yells, fuming. He continues to face the wall, refusing to look at her as he tries to catch his breath. 

Finally, he turns again to face her. His wrath is clear in his eyes. He advances towards her again. “You need to let go,” he yells at her again. “Ben Solo is _dead”_ he repeats to her, voice full of venom. “ _Kylo Ren_ lives.”

“No,” she shouts back. This time, she is the first one to swing at him. He meets her swing for swing.

“Surrender to it, Rey. Surrender to the dark side. It’s in our nature. It’s who we are. I know you feel the pull. Give in.”

“No!” she grits out, continuing to spar with him.

“We can have everything. I can give you _everything_.”

“I don’t _want_ everything!” 

This time, she has the advantage as Kylo Ren starts to fatigue. She mirrors his earlier move and pins him to the wall with the force and her saber at his neck. His messy, sweaty hair covers most of his face as he looks at her. She watches the anger in his eyes change to sadness. 

She releases him and he surprises her by falling to her feet. He grabs her legs and cries into them, suddenly overwhelmed with emotion and exhaustion from the conflict in his soul. Rey looks down at the Supreme Leader undone at her feet, completely stunned. His unpredictable changes in mood absolutely bewilder her. She stands there, tense and awkward, as she tries to wrap her head around what is unfolding before her. He grips her harder as his cries become more intense. At that, she relaxes and moves to turns off her light saber. She starts to run her fingers through his dark hair in an attempt to comfort him, unsure of what else she could do. 

When he finally calms down, he looks up at her. His lips quiver and his eyes call out for her. “I need you, Rey,” he admits quietly, vulnerable. She moves her hand from his dark hair to the side of his face. “I don’t want to hurt you.” She inhales sharply at his words and her heart flutters. _I’ve never lied to you_ , she recalls him saying to her. 

“Then don’t,” she whispers.

He closes his eyes and moves to lean his forehead against her legs. “It’s not that simple,” he breathes.

“Let me help you.”

To that, he says nothing. He stays quiet and they remain in this position even as Kylo Ren’s favorite pain-in-his-side arrives.

“Supreme Leader.” 

“Yes, General Hux?” he hisses out. He doesn’t bother moving and remains kneeling before Rey, resting on her, eyes closed. 

“Am I _interrupting_ again, sir?” 

“No,” he says too quickly. “We were just training, Hux.”

“Looks like it,” he remarks, looking them up and down.

“Is there a _reason_ why you are here, General Hux?” 

“Yes. Your...presence is being requested again.” 

Kylo Ren sighs. “I will be there in a few minutes, Hux.”

“I will let them know, Supreme Leader.” 

When the door has finally closed, signaling Hux’s exit, Kylo Ren stands to face Rey. He brings his hand to her face and Rey, once again, notices the sadness in his dark eyes. He tilts her head slightly up and his thumb brushes against her lips and his eyes dance in between her eyes and her lips. In the back of his mind, he thinks, _I would burn down everything for you._ Rey stands before him intoxicated by his closeness and by the tension building between them. Her lips open in anticipation and she feels heat rise within her. She closes her eyes and when she thinks he is going to lean in, he releases her and, without a word, leaves.

She opens her eyes to find herself alone. She huffs in disappointment and catches her breath. She stays there, for a few minutes, trying to comprehend everything that just happened. After a minute, a storm troopers interrupts her to let her know he will be leading her back to her room.

* * *

She takes advantage of her alone time and enjoys the shower, more comfortable sleeping clothes, and a book once again. While he is gone, a droid comes in to deliver a series of dinner foods and asks if she needs anything. She responds with a polite, “No thank you,” and dines alone. He obviously was unsure of what she likes because she has enough food in front of her to feed twelve families. She sighs and remembers many nights not having _this_ kind of experience.

Once she is full, the droid comes back to clean up for her. Starting to get bored, she roams around, exploring the space. She realizes how cold and dark his quarters are, like the man he wants her to believe he is.

She is back in his room, and in his bed, when she hears him come in. His boots hit the ground rather hard, and she guesses that this meeting didn’t go well either. She hears him sigh and head for the bathroom. She hears the shower running and starts to drift off at the calming noise.

* * *

She wakes up suddenly to warm, strong arms wrapped around her. “Rey,” a deep voice says into her ears. _Ben_ , her mind registers. “Rey. It’s okay. It’s just a dream.”

Her body starts to relax and her erratic breathing becomes more stable. “Ben,” she whispers.

He slowly lets go of her and she moves to sit up. “You were thrashing and screaming - I didn’t mean to -”

“It’s okay,” she reassures him. “Thank you.”

“No, it’s not,” he starts. “You miss your friends. You’re worried about them.” This is when she becomes aware that he was able to see her nightmare through the bond. He was able to see her worst fear - Finn, Poe, Rose, and Chewie being tortured by the First Order.

Rey, unable to suppress her sorrow any longer, begins to cry. He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what to do with the crying Rey. Then, he starts to wrap his arms around her. She, in turn, wraps her arms around him and tightly embraces him, taking him by surprise. He lightly rests his head on top of hers as she cries into his night shirt.

When she able to breathe again, she apologizes for crying and for getting his shirt wet. He tells her she has nothing to apologize for and reminds her that she wasn’t the only one to cry today. This, luckily, puts a smile back on Rey’s face.

After a comfortable silence, Kylo Ren starts to move. “You should go back to sleep,” he says. When he starts to move away, Rey reaches out to grab his arm.

“Stay.” 

“Rey...”

“Please.” 

He exhales and moves into the bed with her. They lay facing each other and Rey thanks him for staying. He gives her a sad, soft smile and grabs her hand. They lay like this before they both drift off to sleep.


	4. All I need

She wakes up and immediately notices the empty half of the bed. She sighs and starts to get up from the bed. She opens the door, expecting the next room to be empty, and is surprised when she sees Kylo Ren, sitting at the table, deep in thought, with a data pad and a cup of coffee. He remains in his night clothes and his hair is messy from sleep. The scene strikes Rey as being so...normal.

“I didn’t think you would be here,” she says as she approaches him.

“Do you want me to leave?” he asks casually, looking up from his data pad.

“No,” she says too quickly. “I just...am not used to seeing you here.”

“Are you hungry?” he says, moving the conversation forward. “There’s coffee and tea over there and a few options. If you don’t like any of them, I can order something else.” He motions to the table in the distance.

“That is fine. Thank you.” She moves to the table and starts to pour herself a cup of coffee while she snacks on a few items. While she does so, he watches her. Satisfied with her coffee, she moves to sit at the table with him.

“Are we training today?”

“Yes. As soon as you are ready.” 

She nods at that. After a moment of thinking, she speaks. “Ben...” she starts, trying to take his attention away from his data pad. “What happens after we defeat Palpatine?”

He looks at her from behind his messy locks. She cannot help but think about how young he looks like this. “What do you mean?”

“To us. What happens to us?”

He has been dreading this question. He hasn’t wanted to think about this since she admitted she wasn’t interested in the throne. Here they are again, once again, stuck between what reality is and what it should be. He sighs.

“I will take the throne,” he says, matter-of-factly. “And I will usher in the New Order. The Resistance will resist and we will resume our lives as enemies.”

“I don’t want to be enemies.” 

“Then join me. Take the throne. I know you’ve already seen us on the throne of the Sith, Rey. It’s your destiny.” 

“You know I’m going to do that.”

“You’ve made it this far.” 

She sighs, not interested in engaging in this argument, and decides to change the subject. “I’m going to get ready. Are we meeting in the arena?”

“No, I am going with you.” 

“Okay.” She bites her lip. “Thank you for breakfast.” He nods and she heads to his bedroom to change and put up her hair.

When she is ready, she emerges from his bedroom to find him waiting for her in his dark Kylo Ren attire once again. Silently, he leads her to the arena.

* * *

They spend hours in the arena. Sparring, learning, practicing, testing each other, and working together to construct a plan. When they are both sweaty and exhausted, they head back to Kylo Ren’s quarters. Both disappear to shower and change and then return to the living room to find dinner waiting for them. 

“I hope this is okay,” Kylo Ren says in reference to the food in front of them.

“It is. It’s great. Thank you. I’m not used to having so much food.” 

They eat mostly in silence, still tired from hours of training. 

“I’m surprised Hux has not taken you away yet.”

“Mmm. He won’t. Well, he shouldn’t. Even the Supreme Leader needs some time off.” 

After some silence, and once the droid has cleaned up everything for them, Rey yawns. “You should get some rest,” he tells her. 

“Will you...will you sleep with me?” She immediately turns red at her accidental phrasing. “I mean...not like that...not that... I mean... will you share the bed with me?” she rambles, awkwardly. “I don’t want to be alone.”

He gives her an adoring half-smile. “Sure, Rey.” She starts to move away from the table. “Are you going to bed now?”

“Yes. Are you not?”

“I have a few things I need to attend to first but...I will join you shortly.”

“Okay,” she says as she heads to his bedroom.

* * *

She tries to sleep but finds herself tossing and turning. About one hour later, he quietly enters the room and immediately senses her anxiety. 

“Rey?” he whispers, unsure if she is awake. He moves closer to the bed and starts to climb in.

“I can’t sleep,” she says.

“I can sense that.” He moves closer to her on the bed and faces his body towards hers. “Is something bothering you?”

“Yes,” she says quickly. “A few things, really. Mostly, I miss my friends. I worry about them. I feel like I abandoned them.” A tear runs down her cheek at her admission. Without thinking, Ben’s hand reaches to her face to gently wipe it away. He stays silent and lets her speak as she feels comfortable. “I miss them all - even Poe. But, I really miss Finn. I wish I could hear his voice right now,” another tear falls from her eye. Ben wipes away this one, too. As she continues to talk about Finn, she can feel Ben’s body and aura tense. 

Eventually, he asks, “Are you...and...Finn...?”

“No,” she responds immediately, horror apparent her voice. “I mean, I love Finn. Just...not like that.” After a second she asks, “Why do you ask?” He doesn’t answer her and so she reaches into their bond to find the answer. “You’re jealous,” she realizes with a breathless laugh. He says nothing and his continues to stiffen. “Don’t worry. I only doodle Ben Solo’s name on my notebooks,” she teases. He groans.

He relaxes and moves his hand to push back some of the hair that has fallen in front of her face. “You will see them again soon, Rey.” 

“But that also means that this is over,” she confesses. “I don’t want to fight you forever, Ben.” 

“I know,” he says and she can hear the pain in his voice. “I don’t want that either, Rey.” More tears leak from her eyes and his hand is there to brush them away.

“Please don’t cry,” he whispers. 

“Why does this have to be so complicated?” she whispers, sadly. To that, he closes his eyes for a moment. Then, he moves his forehead to rest on hers. The contact takes her by surprise and she is immediately consumed by his proximity. His smell, his breath, and his warmth. Their eyes move between the lips and eyes of the other. Rey feels heat within her once again. She is greeted only by the cold air when he abruptly pulls away from her and lies on his back, facing the ceiling. 

“You should get some sleep,” he says, voice strained. She exhales sharply, annoyed, and turns her body to face away from him. Once a few minutes have passed, he slowly moves to wrap his body around her and hold her in his arms. She stiffens only at first and then welcomes his embrace. “I’m sorry,” he whispers into her ear. “I wish I could be the man you want.” 

She turns rapidly to face him again. “Stop that,” she says. “You _can_ be the man I want.” 

“I’ve done a lot of bad things, Rey,” his voice is deep, dark, and serious.

“Under the influence of Palpatine and Snoke, Ben.”

“I don’t deserve you.”

“You don’t get to determine what I deserve. I do.”

“I can’t go back, Rey. They will put me on trial and execute me or lock me up for the rest of my life.” 

“I won’t let that happen. You know that.” 

He sighs and acknowledges he is no match for her fiery spit of hope. Having nothing else to say, he pulls her close to him and wraps his arms around her. She nuzzles into his chest and grips on to his shirt. 

“Your mother loves you, Ben,” she says, softly. He tenses briefly as he realizes she is in his head. He starts to shut her out, afraid of what else she might see, and leans down to kiss the top of her head.

“Get some sleep, Rey.”

She nuzzles even more into his chest, feeling the warmth from him, his side of the bond, and his sweet gesture. “Goodnight, Ben,” she whispers.


	5. Tear in my heart

The next morning she finds herself alone, again. She finds breakfast waiting for her and sighs. As much as she does enjoy having real food, and plenty of it, she is starting to feel restless locked inside of Kylo Ren’s quarters. She eats and is only briefly interrupted by the droid Kylo Ren sends every day to check in on Rey and take care of anything she may need. Today, her only request is to hear the news.

“The news, Miss?”

“Yes.”

The droid starts reporting news from all over the galaxy. Rey listens intently, hoping to hear something, _anything_ about the Resistance. She is sorely disappointed when she receives no updates.

“Would you like anything else, Miss?”

“No, thank you.”

Once the droid leaves, she remains alone for most of the morning. Until, she hears a pounding at the door. She moves closer to the door and uses the force to open it. _Hux_. 

“Good morning,” he says, looking Rey up and down with clear distaste. He sends into the room and moves closer to Rey. “I am looking for the Supreme Leader,” he says after clearing his throat. 

“He’s not here.” 

“No?” he says. “What a shame.” Hux quickly moves his hand to grab the blaster at his side. He is about to raise the blaster at Rey when he is suddenly frozen in place and choking. Eyes wide, Rey looks to the doorway to see Kylo Ren, complete with his mask and cape, reaching his hand out towards Hux. 

“I wouldn’t recommend doing that, General Hux,” Kylo Ren’s deep voice fills the room. Once General Hux starts to turn blue, Kylo Ren flicks his wrist to throw Hux’s body against the wall. Hux crashes violently against the wall. Once Hux hits the ground, wheezing, Kylo Ren walks over to tower over the small man. “I have faith that you will not attempt that again, General Hux,” he says, voice threatening. “And I believe you have other business to attend to.” 

Hux looks up at the large man with revulsion. Once he has caught his breath, he lets a small and weak “Yes, Supreme Leader,” escape from his mouth. As soon as he can stand, he scrambles out of the room. 

Kylo Ren waits a moment before turning to face Rey, whose eyes remain wide. He slowly walks over to her, red and black mask still on. “Are you okay?” he asks, voice even deeper than usual.

“Yes.”

“You shouldn’t open the door,” he starts, “He could’ve hurt you.” 

“I wasn’t thinking,” she admits. She feels his simmering fury through the bond. 

“We need to move faster than I anticipated” he says. “Palpatine is growing weary and you will only continue to face threats to your safety on this ship.” His voice is as frigid as he looks as Kylo Ren. “We will need to prepare to leave tomorrow.” With that, he reaches up to take off his helmet, revealing his tired face. Rey visibly relaxes as soon as the mask comes off. She moves towards him and wraps her arms around his body. He looks down at her in utter surprise and then holds her close. 

“You didn’t need to hurt Hux like that,” she says into his chest.

“He was going to kill you.”

“I can handle myself, you know.”

“I know.”

She squeezes him tightly and after a moment says, “Thank you. For saving me.”

He says nothing but lightly kisses the top of her head. His lips linger for a second as he breathes her in and Rey feels that familiar heat building inside of her. A second later, he pulls away completely. “We should train,” he says, trying to gain composure. “Are you ready?”

She really hates when he does that. “Yes,” she says, slightly annoyed. He really hates when he does that too. Oh, the _things_ he wants to do. He resists his urges in the interest of not making this experience any more painful than it has to be. 

“I have something I need to...check on and then I will be there. I shouldn’t be long. I will have you escorted. You can start without me and I will join as soon as I can.” 

“Okay,” she says. When he starts to leave she calls out, “Wait. Can I ask you something...about the Resistance?”

He turns to look at her but says nothing. She takes this as a yes. “Are...my friends alive?”

He waits a moment before answering. “Yes. Yes, Rey. Unfortunately for the First Order, they are fine.” With that, he puts his helmet back on and disappears.

* * *

She is whispering “Be with me,” over and over again as she floats, sitting, in the air when he arrives. She feels him come in and doesn’t open her eyes to look at him until he is closer to her. Once he is, she sighs and states that “They are still not with me.” When she does look at him, she is delighted to see him back in the black tank top.

She starts to lower herself down to the ground and greets him with a simple “Hi.”

“Hi,” he replies. 

She feels his frustration and asks him if everything is alright.

“Mmm...it is now that I’m here with you,” he says, moving closer.

“You can talk to me, you know,” she tells him. 

He chooses to change the subject. “We should get started.” 

* * *

It is hours later in the arena when he decides to spar with her again, paying attention to her form so he can help correct it. The push and pull of the fight between them is suddenly interrupted by a female voice in his head. “ _Ben_...” it whispers. _Mom_ , he realizes.

Kylo Ren stops moving, immediately, and turns around. Rey, not anticipating this, still swings and grazes Kylo Ren’s arm. She is about to cry out when she feels it. _Leia._

Rey gasps as Kylo Ren falls to his knees. Tears streaming down Rey’s face as she walks over to Kylo Ren. “Ben...” she cries as she crouches down with him. “I’m - I’m so sorry. Ben... you’re bleeding,” she notices the blood running down his pale arm through her tear-filled eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to - I didn’t know...And...” she struggles to find the words and to speak through her tears. He stays there, motionless. He says nothing as she lifts a hand to his arm to heal him. She closes her eyes to focus and he watches as the tears drip down her face. She starts to wipe away the blood from his arm and he brings a hand to rest over the one on his arm. He whispers a quiet, “Thank you,” and Rey’s heart continues to shatter.

They stay like this until General Hux asks for Kylo Ren’s presence.

* * *

Rey is already asleep when she hears loud crashing coming from outside of the bedroom. She jolts from the bed and opens the door to find Kylo Ren surrounded by destruction. “Rey,” he says, apologetically. “I didn’t mean to wake you. I wasn’t thinking.” 

She looks around the mess and her eyes land on the broken, torn, and sad man in the middle of it all. She walks up to him and puts a hand on the side of his face. He closes his eyes at her touch. “It’s okay,” she tells him.

“She’s gone,” he whispers. He opens his eyes to meet hers.

“But what she stood for and what she fought for isn’t.” At this, he closes his eyes again. She moves her hand and wraps her arms around him. He leans down and rests his chin against her head, holding her tightly. Against his chest she whispers, “Come to bed.” She pulls away, takes his hand, and leads him to bed. Once there, he sighs and wraps his arms around Rey again. She nuzzles into his neck in response. 

“Rey...” he says, sadly. 

“I know.” 

* * *

This time, when she wakes up, his arms are still around her. He has already been up by the time she starts to stir. He loosens his grip to allow her space to move. 

“You’re here,” she breathes happily into his chest.

“Mmm,” he hums in response. “We leave today.”

“You didn’t sleep well,” she frowns after looking into their bond.

“I have a lot on my mind,” he says. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes,” she says, nuzzling back into his neck.

“Good. At least one of us needs to be strong today.” 

She is quiet for a moment, fully becoming aware of what they are embarking on in just a few hours. “Today is a big day,” she remarks.

“It is,” is all he says, tersely. 

“I don’t want this to end,” she admits shyly. “Are you sure we can’t just stay here and let the galaxy save itself?”

He smiles at that. “I don’t want this to end either.” He gives her a squeeze. 

“It doesn’t have to,” she whispers just loud enough for him to hear.

He says nothing in response and kisses the top of her head. 

“We should get ready,” he finally says, letting her go and moving out of the bed. She groans.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! This story, so far, is a result of having more free time than usual and my inability to accept the end of "The Rise of Skywalker." So, I hope you are enjoying my version of therapy! I am trying to write this as quickly as I can so if you enjoy it, let me know and I will continue working! I am hoping this will turn into a story with many chapters. The rating may change as these two get closer and admit their feelings, just so you are aware! More characters will enter the story as we go.


	6. The last of the real ones

By the time she gets out of the shower, breakfast is waiting for both of them. They mostly sit in silence as she eats and he drinks his coffee. She feels his anxiety through the bond but he blocks her from being able to pick up any more. She notices that he isn’t eating much and tells him, “You should eat some more. You’ll need the energy.” 

“I’m not that hungry,” he admits. “Too distracted,” he murmurs to himself.

He looks exhausted and she is becoming concerned. “Are you ready for this? We can wait - I know you don’t want to but -”

“I am ready.” 

She decides not to push this any further. “Okay.” 

“I am going to notify General Hux of my departure and request for my ship to be prepared. You can pack or prepare while I am gone. I packed last night while you were asleep so I will be ready when you are.”

She nods and responds with another “Okay.” 

When he starts to get up she asks him to wait. “Is everything...okay?”

He gives her a soft, sad half-smile. “It will be. I’ll be back soon. Take anything you want or think we’ll need.” With that, he puts his Kylo Ren mask on and leaves.

* * *

When he returns, she is anxiously biting her nails. She sits near the door next to their two bags of things. She looks up at him as he walks closer to her. He is still wearing his mask and is in full Kylo Ren attire, once again - cape and all. 

“Are you ready?” he says, mask always making his voice even deeper.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she remarks, dryly.

He pauses for a moment and looks at her. She wishes she could see his face. He coldly responds with “Follow me,” and turns on his heel. She follows him, surrounded by storm troopers. She notes that he looks as cold and intimidating as ever. 

As they reach the hangar, Rey notices General Hux waiting for them at the bottom of the ramp leading into Kylo Ren’s TIE fighter. Once they get closer, Hux greets Kylo Ren by saying, “I hope you have a safe trip, Supreme Leader.” Kylo Ren nods slightly in acknowledgment and then turns to Rey. 

“After you,” he says to her, voice lacking emotion. She nods and boards the ship with him following closely behind her. Once they make it to the top of the ramp, he presses the button to close the ramp and leads silently Rey towards the pilot seat. He sits, enters coordinates, checks that Rey is comfortable, and takes one final look at the Finalizer, and takes off.

* * *

Once they are far away enough, Kylo Ren takes off his mask. Still anxious, he runs a hand through his dark hair and Rey thinks about how tired he looks. They sit in silence while he remains lost in his blocked-off thoughts and Rey tries to find the words to say.

Time passes slowly until Rey is unexpectedly startled by Kylo Ren starting to land the fighter on a planet that is definitely _not_ Exegol. “Ben?” she asks, nervously, as he gets closer and closer to the ground. He doesn’t respond, too focused on landing. When they have successfully landed, he responds to her. “Change of plans.”

“What?”

“We are meeting someone here. They’ll be here shortly,” he says, too calmly. 

“Who? What?” she asks quickly, eyes wide.

“I don’t want to ruin the surprise,” he says, slightly amused at her reaction.

“Since you’ve been inside of my head, you should know that I hate surprises,” Rey replies, unamused. She crosses her arms in childlike frustration.

He laughs and moves closer to her. He leans over her and rests his forehead on hers. “Do you trust me?” he asks her. She nods and his hands move to the sides of her head as he gently kisses her forehead - another surprise she wasn’t prepared for. “I’ll be right back,” he says. “You can wait outside, if you want.” He moves quickly and disappears. Unsure of what else to do, she waits outside. 

She starts to walk away from the fighter when she sees a ship coming their way. She gasps as she sees it - really sees it. It’s the Falcon. A smile crosses her face as the ship nears her and she sees the pilot - “Chewie,” she says to herself. When the ship lands, Rey’s smile widens as BB-8 emerges from the ramp. “BB-8!” Rey moving to the droid. Rey laughs at BB-8′s excitement and says, “I know - we have a lot to catch up on.” 

Their reunion is interrupted by a familiar roar. “Chewie!” Rey exclaims as she runs to hug her friend. “How did you...?” she starts to ask. 

“I called him last night while you were asleep,” says Ben from behind them. Rey turns to face him and is taken aback by his new outfit. He replaced his Kylo Ren attire with a light black sweater, a fitted black jacket, and a black chest holster that drapes over his jacket. Without thinking, she immediately moves closer to him. “Ben,” she breathes, a wide smile gracing her lips as she realizes what this means. _Ben. Ben Solo_. “How?” she starts to ask, trying to register all of it. “And Hux?” She moves even closer to him as if he is a magnet pulling her in.

“He doesn’t know. I told him -” his explanation is interrupted by her lips crashing onto his. This time, she surprises him. He decides he likes these kind of surprises as he kisses her back, moving his hand to her neck to gently embrace her further. She pulls back and looks at him, smile still wide. “Ben Solo,” she breathes, searching his eyes. He gives her a wide, boyish smile and laughs. “You like the new clothes, I take it,” he jokes.

The moment is ruined by Chewie coughing, since they seemed to have forgotten about his presence. With that, Rey lets go of Ben and Ben moves towards Chewie. He walks slowly to Chewie and sadness replaces his moment of happiness with Rey. “Chewie,” Ben says, full of mixed emotions. After a moment, Chewie roars and embraces Ben. “I know,” says Ben to Chewie, hugging him back. “Thank you, even if you are not fully doing this for me.” Chewie pulls back and places a comforting hand on Ben’s shoulder. 

“Ready?” Chewie asks. 

Ben Solo looks back at Rey. “Yes,” he says. 

As they board the Falcon, Ben asks Rey if she still hates surprises. She playfully hits his arm and his boyish smile returns. Rey makes it her goal to see more of that smile. 

* * *

Rey holds Ben’s hand as she talks Resistance business with Chewie. Every once in a while, she gives his hand a gentle squeeze. She still feels his anxiety and hopes to reassure him in any way she can. 

“How will Finn and Poe get to us?” she asks Chewie.

“Thanks to Ben’s guidance, we will be able to send our coordinates to them,” he responds.

“And they are aware?”

“Yes,” replies Chewie as BB-8 excitedly beeps.

She squeezes Ben’s hand again and looks at him, full of admiration, hope, and love. He starts to blush under her gaze. _Thank you_ , she sends through their bond.

 _I would do anything for you,_ he admits to her. This time, she blushes and her heart skips a beat. He squeezes her hand.

Attempting to stay composed, she clears her throat and turns her attention back to Chewie. “I can’t wait to see everyone again.”

“Everyone can’t wait to see _you_. We missed you, Rey,” Chewie responds.

“I just wish General Organa could see this,” she says, quietly and sadly. Ben lowers his head at this and a silence falls upon them.

“She will always be with you,” Chewie says to both of them after a moment.

Rey looks at their interlocked hands and looks up to Ben and notices him staring out the window, lost in thought. She takes a second to admire his face before sending _Ben?_ to him.

 _There is so much I regret, Rey_ , he thinks to her, still looking away.

 _There’s plenty of time to make it right_ , she reassures him through their bond. _They would be proud of you, Ben_. At this, he looks back at Rey. She sees the pain in his eyes as he gives her the saddest half-smile she has ever seen. She takes their interlocked hands and brings them to her lips so she can kiss his hand. He closes his eyes at her touch and leans back in his chair, relaxing. _Thank you,_ he sends to her.

 _Anytime, Ben Solo._ He smiles.

Rey turns her attention back to the mission before them. “How far away are we?”

After a series of beeps, BB-8 reports that they are are a few minutes away at most. 

_Are you ready?_ she asks him through their bond.

 _As ready as I’ll ever be_ , he sends back, echoing her earlier words.


	7. Young God

The Falcon rocks slightly as they land in the dark paradise of Exegol. Ben presses the button to release the ramp as soon as the ship is steady. The ramp hisses as it reaches the ground. Ben and Rey look at each other, full of a mix of heavy emotions. “Just like we planned, Rey,” he says. “I’ll be right behind you. Don’t let him into your head.” He swallows, realizing this could be it for both of them. Eyes wide, Rey only nods. 

“Rey—” he starts.

“No.” She cuts him off. “Tell me later.”

He nods and she starts to walk down the ramp. Before she gets too far, he grabs her by the arm, pulls her back to him, grabs both sides of her face, and crashes his lips to hers. She moves her hands to his neck to embrace him further and hums into the kiss. He pulls back and rests his forehead on hers as they both catch their breath. “Okay. Now, you can go,” he says, looking at her and smiling her favorite smile. Her heart flutters and for the first time in her life, she feels butterflies in her stomach. 

“ _You’ll_ be the death of me, Ben Solo,” she says, breathless. 

“Mmm. Didn’t I already tell you I wasn’t going to kill you? I have far better plans for you,” he croons into her ear before lightly kissing the side of her face. A shiver runs down her spine and she hits him playfully. “Ow,” he cries, pretending to be injured from her hit. She smiles briefly and then takes a deep breath.

“I’ll see you soon,” is all she says before turning to face her grandfather.

* * *

The Sith crowd clamors behind Rey as her grandfather narrates her movements. When she lifts her light saber in conjunction with her grandfather’s words, she wonders where the Force Ben is. Of course, in that moment, as if the Force hears her thoughts, she feels the familiar hum of their bond and her lips part in surprise when she sees him. She immediately scans his face and notices the blood covering him. She tries to conceal her emotions as they lock eyes, not wanting to make her grandfather aware. Ben gives her a small nod and Rey, with eyes wide and full of admiration, gives him one back. 

The connection ends and Rey waits a second before breaking from her grandfather’s narration and advances on his surrounding guards. The Sith guards surround her and she takes them by herself until she feels his presence: _Ben_. 

He uses the Force to eliminate the last guard and walks over to her. They face each other for a moment, nod, and turn to face Palpatine, together, light sabers ready.

“Stand together. _Die together_!” he roars...

* * *

Ben continues to climb, determined to get back to her. Finally, his hand grips the top of the cliff Palpatine threw him over.

He spots her almost immediately and his heart drops. Injured, he walks and limps over to her as quickly as he can, ignoring the pain shooting out of his body. As he gets closer, he caresses her arm and pulls her into him, desperate for a sign of life from her. He sits and adjusts her so her body is resting on him as he says, “Rey...can you hear me? Hold on.” He looks around, hoping to see anyone, and sees nothing but darkness. He looks at her almost lifeless body, tears in his eyes, and pulls her into him to embrace her. He holds her here, like this, as he comes to terms with what he knows he has to do next. He is going to sacrifice himself, for her. 

He moves back to sit up, knowing he doesn’t have much time. He closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and uses the Force to give her what remains of his life force. Her hand moves to his as she wakes and he opens his eyes to meet hers. He supports her as she shifts in his lap, moving to sit up. “Ben,” she breathes, smiling. Rey moves her hand to the side of his face as her eyes dart between his eyes and lips. When she closes her eyes and leans in, she feels him slip away from her. She opens her eyes, in panic, to see him on the ground. Unconscious. This is _not_ how she imagined this moment.

“Ben?” she says, nervously? “No, no, no,” she whispers to herself, tears forming at her eyes. “Ben? Please, Ben. Ben?” She moves to lean over his body. Her hand moves to caress his face as tears stream from her eyes. The last thing Ben hears is “Please, Ben. Hold on.” 

* * *

Ben Solo wakes up in a room that is _way_ too bright. His face scrunches immediately when his eyes flutter open. The next thing Ben Solo notices is that he has a _killer_ headache. At this, he groans. The third thing he notices is the restraints on his arms as his body attempts to move. This evokes another groan. The fourth thing he notices is the sleeping body of Rey curled up next to him. This causes his heart to absolutely burst. He watches her as she starts to stir.

“Ben?” 

“Rey,” he says, voice husky from sleep.

“Ben!” she exclaims, full of relief. She moves to sit up to get a full look at him. “How are you feeling?” she asks with concern.

“I’ve been better,” he groans. “Where am I?”

“A medical room at The Resistance base.” He nods and looks away from her briefly.

“I thought so...given the restraints.” She says nothing, not wanting to have this conversation just yet.

“How long have I been out?” he asks.

“A few days.”

“What?” He looks at her, eyes wide. “How...?” 

She sighs and takes his hand in hers. To answer the question she knows he is asking, she closes her eyes and shows him everything he missed, including the days she spent in this room by his side.

“Rey...” 

Her eyes flutter open again and he watches a tear escape from her eye. “I couldn’t let you go,” she says, voice breaking. “I just got you.” 

Cursing the restraints, he uses the Force to wiggle out of them so he can wipe her tears away and pull her into his chest to embrace her. 

He peppers his forehead with kisses as she cries. “Shh, Rey,” he whispers as he tightens his grip on her. “It’s okay. I’m here. I’m not going anywhere.” 

“Don’t ever do that to me again,” she says into his chest, threatening. He knows he would. Deep down, she knows he would, too. He would sacrifice himself for her every time. He would die for her. It’s not even a choice. He doesn’t verbalize any of this in fear of upsetting her and instead responds by gently squeezing her closer into his chest. 

Once she has calmed down, she moves to sit up so she can look at him with her now red-from-crying eyes. “What were you going to tell me on Exegol before I cut you off?” she asks, quietly. His eyes soften and he stays quiet for a moment before responding.

“I was going to tell you that I am Force-sensitive.”

She playfully hits him. “I’m serious.”

“So am I!”

“Ben.”

“Okay.”

He put his hand on the side of her face. “I was going to tell you that I love you.” 

“Ben...” she breathes as she feels what she assumes is her heart bursting inside of her chest. She moves to straddle his hips and then crashes her lips on his. Her needy, quick kisses melt into slower, passionate kisses as he moves his hands to her lower back, wanting to get her even closer to him. In the background, the monitor for Ben’s heart rate goes wild.

Eventually, he pulls back to catch his breath and smiles his wide, boyish smile. He laughs as he acknowledges the wildly beeping monitor saying, “We should stop before a nurse droid comes rushing in thinking I am having a heart attack.” 

“Mmm...I didn’t realize I had this kind of affect on you, Ben Solo,” she teases. “I wonder what else I could do to get your heart racing,” she says as she moves to grind her hips on him.

“ _Rey_...” he groans as the monitor goes wild once again.

She laughs, smiles, and leans in to rest her forehead on his. “I love you, too, Ben.” He smiles and looks at her like she is his entire universe.

Both of their eyes go wide in fear as they suddenly hear the door opening behind them. Rey turns to see a medical droid rushing in, panicked. As the droid discovers the two of them and asks if everything is alright, Ben and Rey laugh.

"Yes," Ben says, answering the droid while looking at Rey. "Everything is just fine."


End file.
